I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You did what with his pubic hair?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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