He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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