I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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