Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
