If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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