Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
