You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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