Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She even gives head with a lisp.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
