it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
