i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
