so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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