I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So many bounce houses so little time
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
