This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
