All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
