He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
