I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
