and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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