Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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