he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
