god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
