A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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