She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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