dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
