Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
