that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
