OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
