is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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