I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
