The maid of honor just puked.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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