How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
