We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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