White coat. Heels.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
