We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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