I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
