No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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