the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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