This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
