Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
