hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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