First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
