I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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