anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
