I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
