not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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