We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
