she's into porn, im staying here tonight
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
