We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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