I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
