Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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