You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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