There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
