my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
do nipples grow back?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
