He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
