ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
